don't worry about the neighbors I'm like 99% sure all that snow covered a good portion of our vomit
you spent 5 minutes trying to open an empty PBR and kept saying "don't worry i'll get it i've been working out"
I was scoping hash out of our weed jar with a spoon and I realized we need to buy actual utensils. This plastic shit is killing me I've broke 3 spoons
I do have sympathy for you. It's just not going to manifest as a blow job.
Just watched a guy puke off his bike. Beyond impressed. He didn't even swerve
I figured you left because I was a shit show. Were you still there when I got locked in the bathroom and didn't know where I was? If not, that could have been a dream. I'm still not sure.
Know of anyone who would be interested in trading weed for meatballs?
She's like my safety school. At the end of the night, if I haven't found anyone better to hook up with, I can always call her if I need a place to drop a load and don't want to rub one out myself. Perfect next door neighbor.
I need a burrito and a hug.
ALso, saw an adorable man walking an adorable dog with his adorable kid.
And yes, that last sentence is biased because my ovaries started screaming
fell down stairs ended up in underground bar now im dancing with trannies and best night of my life. lines of coke
Bjs and tacos. That's my life.
So then we ended up at a bar full of navy SEALs and I got one of them to take his shirt off, then I felt him up
I feel like 31-year old me is 21-year old me's hero
Dollars spent: $83, Girls kissed: 4, Girls slept with:2, Girls currently making me breakfast: 1, Fucks given: 0
Taking care of drunk people fulfills my need to be a mother
Randomize
