....ANDDD I just became confused during sexting and sent my mother a text describing a "porno-worthy cum shot."
He said we were driving the golf cart through the woods screaming 'iceroad truckers' for four hours in the dark
at home by myself drinkin the left over champagne from my party... who says my birthday has to end?
He's a fan of Alicia Keys on Facebook. It doesn't NEED to say 'interested in men'.
Either way you look at it, I'm a slut. But either way I look at it, I'm having a fucking blast.
i should teach a seminar on how to fall off the wagon
I don't know where I am and I feel like a hippo shat in my mouth. This sofa is comfy though.
She is screaming bc she thinks you jumped out the window...please show her you just went out for a smoke
How can I explain how nice he is to you? ...like, I'm going to have to have my world famous why being a douche is sexy talk.
I don't listen when you talk. I just try to find new creative ways to get you to send me naked pictures.
It was incredible. For as long as I live, I will gladly drop whatever I'm doing and spend a night with her face between my legs ANY time she asks.
I am decidedly straight, but I'll write it into my wedding vows if I have to.
im In safeway buying a bottle of Ciroc in short shorts at 3:00 pm on a Monday, yeah I don't know either.
No I did not just post a Craigslist ad for a used stripper pole because I can't afford my own. But now that you put the idea in my head I might have to.
Buying a new pipe this morning, and setting up career plans this afternoon. It's called balance
Took it for the first time last night, and i saw a giant pillsbury boy coming after me with a wrench in his hand.
Randomize
