My astrological sign? Vagitarius.
Let's bang like we're on a Lifetime Channel movie.
Okay you're seriously so fucking annoying its like having a baby
He famously once noted that women should wear white "like all other domestic appliances,"
But i don't feel like talking to him right now. I woke up an hour ago to a picture of his penis and I AM NOT A MORNING PERSON.
and honestly how many chances will you get to hook up with a one armed guy?
I just found a plastic cup with panties inside of it. Let's play CSI.
We fist bumped behind their backs while drunk hooking up with them... Do other girls do this too? Or is it just us?
And then, I saw the prophecy come to fruition. It was the Dick of Destiny.
His cat must have been laying on his dick, because now my face is covered in hives�
I am a good friend because I got you a bagel. I am a bad friend because I ate half of it.
Apparently this establishment won't let you rent a sailboat if you have been drinking rum all morning
Like, bro, how do you think I got the idea to go sailing
I'm glad you found someone that both loves you and is cool doing coke off your tits. Proud of you.
Seeing her tonight. She doesn't want dinner, just wants me to come over for awhile. My penis just sent me a thank you card.
I am not even ashamed to say it, I got laid in the stairwell of the hotel, by a 29 year old. It was awesome!
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