There is now a Twilight themed dildo. What do YOU want for christmas??
it was all downhill after the free blackjack taco
My porch is a mess of peanut butter and tostitos...thanks for that.
He just ordered a bottle of Beam at an Italian place for us to share.
I want to start this convo out by apologizing for the broken toaster.
She asked if you knew her boyfriend, and you responded that you "think you gave him head once" and then hiccupped.
Someone just told me I could double date with them and their dog as my date. This is why the suicide rates are so high at the holidays.
Is it possible to just pretend that everything we did after grilling up your goldfish didn't happen?
And dildos are 35% off. So. Ya know. Savings.
Drinking a bawls. If I'm dead when you get home, yes, they are poisoned.
I'd go lesbian for $50 and a good phone case.
I was too drunk to remember throwing up so i probably didn't learn my lesson
Fucking shoot me with this y'all shit. You were in Texas for 2months you do not have an accent Madonna
Like 50% of me thinks it'll be weird, 25% of me is curious & 25% of me is horny
I wanna suck that fisherman's dick.
Randomize
