..well, okay, so long as I don't have to wear an apron or vaccum in high heels.
nope just do me i'm drunk and easy to plz
Is it sad i was sitting here thinkin how i would only fuck Rob Pattinson if he was glittery at said time.
Kristen just told everyone at the bar that I've got a huge dick, now Brittany is giving me the eye. What is the opposite of FML?
you threw your tampon into someones open car window...while they were driving.
why is there a handicap sign in the bathtub and an exit sign in the kitchen?
lets deal with that after we figure out where i am
My ex came to my place while I was gone. Random things he took: snow shoes, my laundry quarters, a decorative picture, all my condiments, the container that held my rice and a sticker off my wallet. Then left a note saying he watered my plants and fed my cats. What. The. Fuck.
Dude, I think shitting blood should be a cause for concern not celebration that you had a great night.
You guys bombarded us in the bathroom and that kid whipped his dick out and peed in the sink.
I've shit my pants 4 times in 12 hours... Never trust a fart when u pass 30
You asked me to pick a color between pink and purple, and I said orange; you told me, "okay, that's a truth question". Then you asked if I had ever deep-throated a cupcake...I didn't even know what to say.
I ate the last cupcake. I'm sorry. It was in the refrigerator mocking me. So I ate it. And it was glorious. But I'm sorry.
Are you coming to the bday night? i'll be doing a life-like reenactment of traveling through Bonnie's vaginal canal and taking my first breath of life. Don't think you'll want to miss it.
I can bring a slip n slide and curtains.
Dude I was walking down the street and threw up in a plastic cvs bag. Tequila wins again.
he's smothering me... and not in the good, can you move your thigh off my face please?.. way
Ccatlin cimbing thru th sunroof plz come
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