last night was a success...if success means i don't remember the guy's name and my panties are somewhere in the parking lot behind the bar
Twist it, pull it, flick it... Bop it was like the first time I touched myself.
I would dunk an oreo in her breast milk
I love seeing you outside of a bar. It's like seeing a dog walk on its hind legs
I am not saying a eulogy for your vibrator.
Have you ever seen a porn where they were playing bluegrass in the background?
Turned out the thing on the lampshade was a bloodstain, not a bedbug. We feel much safer now.
And there are taco shells on the ceiling fan
Walk of Shame'd halfway down a mountain, skiiers passing. Do not drink with lifties at the end of ski season.
Its not gay if you're best friends and there's less than an inch of dick in the picture. That's where the line is drawn
This tiny cat is tiny breathing with her tiny lungs and im having a tiny freak out. Like those lungs have to be super tiny.
In related news... Actually, nope. I don't have any orgy-related news. You win.
I was going to make you have an awkward boner around all your coworkers but then I fell asleep.
i read his ps3 instant messaging thing... he's meeting a guy to have sex. i think your boyfriend's gay
Your ex spoke highly of your penis and it’s skill. I’m interested in learning more about it ;-)
Randomize
