I'm on a mission to free the leash kids. Like liberating the Israelites from Egypt. Only better.
and im sitting here waiting for them to work on my car. in a room full of men. that are too old for me. its like a sausage fest nightmare...
Im sending over a girl who thinks youre in the next twilight movie
your the best winggirl ever
He asked me to grab his balls and yell "thats a spicy meat-a-ball" Last time I do requests.
I have pink band-aids all over my body, WHAT HAPPENED?
Keg backpack and a Bike
She had another shot and asked if I wanted to taste her tongue ring. Then I helped her pee.
Going to rent a magician for when I eat shrooms. How has no one thought of this?
How am I supposed to stop smoking pot when girl scout cookies are being sold.
Guess who used an inflatable mattress to boat across a retention pond with brooms for oars and a radio and beer.
New fuck buddy and long time fuck buddy are carpooling home for thanksgiving. #10hrconvoaboutmyblowjobskills
I'm drinking coffee out of a pasta sauce jar and eating fruit soaked in Smirnoff. I think I've hit rock bottom.
MY LIFE IS A TRAINWRECK THATS ON FIRE BUT SOMEHOW STILL MOVING, I HAVE THE RIGHT TO SCREAM OUTSIDE AT 2AM
Does this cleavage amount say, “Fuck it, I’m over dating, let’s just fuck?”
There were no words. I got in his car, took my pants off, threw my shirt out the window, and got things started. After we were done I collected my clothes, gave him a kiss, and crept back into my house.
You're like the sex ninja. How doesn't he love you?!
She was blowing air into green onions and tying knots in them to make "balloons"
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