i really like this girl i slept with last night
you ask her out again?
yeah but she said she is busy next weekend getting married
Last night I walked out of the bar got in a cab asked the cabi to circle the block. he did and brought me right back to the bar. I paid him $7 thanked him and walked back into the bar.
I can't believe I paid your booty call for a ride home in cake.
maybe you should do the old hyperventilate, take a shot of vodka, sniff someone's hair trick
...then she kept trying to make balloon animals with my flacid penis. I'm never drinking whisky with you again.
he referred to his penis as the bashful dwarf from snow white
All that fucking tequilla made my head feel like it's inside of a body builder's asshole. He's doing squats.
You both sound like you need to get shit faced, fight it out, and have makeup sex.
then looked at this little girl next to me and was like "don't drink when you get older and don't let your best friend be with assholes." she looked at me like i was crazy
WHY WOULD YOU SWIPE RIGHT???!!!!!
The same reason I ordered and ate almost an entire pizza last night
just passed my midterm while getting a blow job. i love going to school online
No, I'm not a weirdo, I keep bondage straps under my matress like a normal person, not a diary.
Update: I just threw up in between cars in the parking lot of magic kingdom.
It was a good thing I was on the balcony flashing those guys or I would have never seen her skipping to his car
Peru was great. He sent me a text after thanking me for my amazing morals which confused me but made me oddly proud...then he texted a correction. He meant my amazing oral. Sadly this Made me prouder. Fuck u bitches and ur morally inhibiting gag reflexes.
Randomize
