I wish everyone could be as happy as the people in the laxative commercials.
I cannot convey how much I really do love Chris Hansen. FYI: he is the JC Chasez of my adult years.
she trying to cartwheel up the stairs... not going so well
Couldn't find any balloons, so we're doing whippets out of condoms. Being a ho has its benefits.
Also one of my neighbors is blasting "pumped up kicks" and possibly butchering some chickens
I also got a mission for you and you're gonna love it. Biggest. Hospital. Party. Ever.
I remember him going "OH SHIT" when he saw you straddling me on the table. And it was like the best feeling ever.
Im breaking out the trunk vodka tonight, its been aged to perfection.
I see you met someone special
Hold on - sidebar. My best friend just threw a 40 pack of condoms through my window.
CURSE YOU AND YOUR SEXY LOGIC
It's gonna be like a sexual version of A Christmas Carol in my house in a few days.
is it sad that the highlight of my saturday night was waiting till 3 in the morning to hear about your saturday night?
I always know im high when I can't remember how to pee.
Listen I don't care what it's called as long as it's drugs
What's a really polite way of saying "you have gravely overestimated the value of your vagina?"
Randomize
