guess who was drunk and crawling in the middle of the road and got brought home by the police last night? HINT: ME
And then a tiny penis fell out of my purse
Never drink rum straight from the bottle, even if people say it'll make you a pirate. It won't: it'll make you a bumbling shitfaced idiot who just drank rum straight from the bottle.
My natural self cock block skills kicked in last night. I could've got on like 2 chicks but i ended up throwing up all over my van instead.
I like that we make it a requirement to howl at the moon every time we get drunk together.
Its official. Girls from Indiana do not give rim jobs.
So who won the naked front yard Olympics last night?
Well my tits are spray painted gold & i have what i think r the Olympic rings shaved in my vag !!!!!!!SO its safe to say i won something ....
I have better things to do with my life than be faithful.
No he's great. He's trying to do "sexy stuff" for me now, which is pretty hilarious. He stirred my daiquiri with his penis last night. He also tied a bouquet of flowers around it.
I learned a very valuable lesson tonight...don't touch a cops tazer
It's just unfortunate that I still have the image of him having sex with me fresh in my mind
Jello shots and homoerotic movie scenes bingo?
Stop leaving buckets of wine at my house.
SHE POOPED THE CONDOM WHOLE
I miss the pre Covid days when we could meet men in bars. Hitting on guys in the grocery store is just depressing
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