We are allowed to think Jacob from Twilight is hot in 468 days!
I don't know what is sadder, the fact that you figured that out or the fact that I can't wait until then!!
why did they invent bidet's? your butt gets clean when your poop falls in the toilet and splashes up anyway...
I'm pretty sure the only race ive ever won was to my mothers egg
you know you go to a catholic school when you are rollin a joint with matthew 14:1-12
Just wanted to remind you that you literally cut the underwear off a man.
I swear she hasnt shaved since the last time we hooked up 5 months ago
I was dancing with a blow torch in one hand and a bowl of weed in the other
Also, my phone suggested the phrase “puke in the mailbox" how many times have I had the need to text that to people?
Stoned stonnnnnnned on the raaaaange
Did I send you a drunk selfie with a pine tree last night?
Oh wow and I have a bunch of portable wine glasses called to go coffee cups
Well, while we went through airport security, I found out Mom got her clit pierced, so there's that.
I think I recall josh coming in to the room to tuck us in and give us a few condoms and I threw them back all furious and told him 'we don't use those.' Oh god
How was it?
i think i smell bacon but im to sore to walk downstairs. that kinda night
She shouldn’t care what consenting adults do behind closed doors
You do realize it was her husband you were hooking up with behind that door, right?
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