Ugh I have so many sins to confess tmw at church, you just made me think of many more I've made on that street alone
Watching dad use Doritos to illustrate exactly where to locate the clitoris. How's your family christmas going?
My patience ran out after you started clapping at the strippers everytime they took off a piece of clothing.
Ever find yourself wondering if your life is God's way of telling a joke?
I know. I need to get a vagina tranquilizer.
I want to apologize but I don't know how. Do I just say "sorry for OD'ing on your couch"? I think that just sounds weird.
I thought of you this morning when I woke up in a bed with a girl wrapped in duct tape dressed as a coors light can.
I want to own their dicks and all the attachments
So is there a reason your dad is passed out naked in my shower? P.S. Congrats on the family dong.
I didn't get it..
I'm sorry. But to the original question please.
We ended up at a lesbian bar and all my co-workers tried to get me laid. This is not how I envisioned coming out.
I bought something for you today. You'll love it.
What is it? Drugs?
I just came so hard my hamstring felt like it was going to tear. I am also now a screamer
When the hubs wants to wear his training mask during sex and pretend to be Bane you just go with it.
Opening my shipments of mascara and nipple pasties this morning like a boss bitch
Soon to be ex is nowhere to be found. Her attorney/new BF just showed up. 30 minutes late looking hungover. Pretty sure I'm getting the kids AND the house!
Randomize
