Is it necrophilia if we're both dead?
he screamed my twitter name while we were having sex.
I woke up and we were making out. So the good news is that after two years off the market, I haven't lost a step. I'm picking up girls in my sleep now.
Of course my walk of shame coincided with the alumni marathon on campus. But, I did get a thumbs up from the woman handing out water.
i don't know at this point bringing the fog horn might be a good idea...
I don't have nearly enough visine for the dryness from sticking my head out the window on the freeway for 20 minutes. Child lock me next time.
Status Uddate: I lost half a tooth and Alison is taking Amy Grant requests via bullhorn
Did you mean to cry when you finished last night? Or were you just that drunk?
I dont think ive ever had a drunk day betray me so hard before
I just bought 7 working mopeds off a guy for $300. We are 60% of the way to our gay biker gang dream.
I mean I'm not gay but a hundred bucks is a hundred bucks
Why is there a traffic cone in the shower? And did you wash it with my body wash? It smells nice.
We need to get Harry and Lloyd's tuxedos from Dumb and Dumber. I feel like this is a vital thing that is missing from our lives.
Her mom came down to the basement and took shots with us. She's now passed out in a wheel barrow. This party got weird
He was eating me out on a picnic table on the frame lake trail and right after I came, a group of hikers walked around the corner. Stood up just in time
And this is one of the many reasons why you need a car.
Randomize
