I just got stood up by an 18 yr old. fmylife.
Just watched my manager erase "we've been 2 days wo an accident" and change it to "0" these ppl are too high.
His housemate was playing a sad violin solo for me on my way out. God I hate musicians.
This escort grabbed my boyfriends ass and it became clear, he fucked pretty much anything he could find prior to dating me.
i jsut feel off the bus, but its ok the driver let me back on. a woman hid her baby from me..
TAing a class of 300 froshies and being so hungover I forgot a bra is my way of making dreams come true.
did i send you the picture of me smiling with the magnum wrapper?
We passed out in his car so I had to find a way to inconspiciously make my walk of shame back inside to go get my shit. To make things more difficult I had no pants and the whole neighborhood was awake
I was unconscious Saturday for like 6 hours after I passed out on the sidewalks of our nation's capital. Thank you America, for bottomless brunch.
He didn't call me beautiful but he came in less than five minutes so same thing, right?
I'm at that point in my life where keeping an extra pair of underwear in my purse is normal.
Evidently I placed three booty calls at the same time...it was an ugly scene. I'm never getting that high again.
As I took my shirt off he commented on how great my boobs where. I responded with "thanks, I grew them myself"
God specifically crafted these hands to deal out orgasms.
You do realize it’s only a matter of time before I have a bad day and come home with an alpaca?
Randomize
