Apparently mediocre decisions were made last night. I woke up alone in my own bed with my fridge defrosted.
And I didn't go to bed alone. I am buckets of fail.
Segways are the fanny packs of transportation. Useful in some situations, but you always look like a tool when using one.
All I'm saying, is that being compared to a Muppet is not the end of the world.
Had to have a serious talk with my liver and remind it that it is my birthday weekend and there are three more nights like last night ahead of us
Drunk walkin through police station. America
I'm also 95% sure I had a conversation with someone on how hard it would be to jerk off with out opposable thumbs
I still havent gotten an apartment yet, so I crash random college parties...get so drunk and then sleep on their couch
Sadly him cutting me out of the duct tape dress was NOT the most awkward part of the night. It was a littleeee moist under there.....
This taco party has no tacos, just a hot asian guy in booty shorts. We were lied to.
All hell broke loose. When the police showed up, this kid somehow haggled with a cop to let him pee in public. I'm convinced he could talk the panties off of a nun
We need to do something soon. I need like 4,000 beers and a cigarette.
So I woke up really sad and then I looked in the cabinet and there was weed and now I'm not sad anymore
I used an explanation of Walking Marriages in the Mosuo Culture to successfully negotiate an open relationship. That Anthropology degree is finally starting to pay off.
So I just accidentally joined a bar crawl and got a free shotski of Jameson. I love life.
I may have made out with your roommate and your cousin tonight. In my defense I thought both of them were your cousin.
Randomize
