tell ils to like buy her flowers and like a balloon that says, sorry I tried to fuck your sister. I think hallmark makes some of those cards too.
There is a man on the balcony beside me who claims he is a triceratops. He roared and asked me for a cigarette, telling me he'd eat me if I refused. I love college.
how many days can you live off of Vicodin and frosty?? im going on 4 days......
You tried to tell her that the salad was an afrodisiac then proceeded to stroke yourself with the feather duster
i had the all of mcdonalds chanting USA as he motorboated you
don't forget friday is see who can get the most free drinks at the gay bar contest. winner gets $50
Sorry about sucking tonight. Drunk truck fucking is apparently not my strong point.
you're avoiding the subject, i want to know how you ended up at the strip club with the dog, fucker
I have a tab of a google image search of onion rings open and it is making me so happy.
Last year you twerked on my Christmas tree and threw up all over the bathroom...in front of my parents. We should probably keep power hour to ONLY an hour this year
I'm just going to take the mature adult root and ignore him for a bit, and then pretend like I didn't see him jerking off.
You just want me for my pizza coupons and my penis.
New drinking game, drink every time Rhianna says "Work" in her new song.
You said "I feel like a koala bear. Do you ever just feel like a koala bear?" This is your brain on drugs.
This guy needs to stop asking about my feet
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