I woke up with a flask of whiskey and a mason jar full of sausage in my tux jacket. south georgia is where i belong
or how I got to mom's but there is vomit on my shoes. I never thought i'd be recapping with her.
Sorry for punching you in the face last night. I should have known the boxing gloves were a bad idea from the start.
Just saw a dude hanging out a window upside down chugging a 60 of vodka. This weekend is big for everyone I guess
story update. I'm locked out of my house. Walk of shame advisory extended...
If I were there, I'd be putting a martini in you, via funnel if need be, and you would be doing this thing.
If i theoretically had to put an iv back in what do I need to do?
Just so you know, this text is a buffer between the two guys I'm sexting. Can't get that shit messed up.
I've never seen an uncircumcised dick in real life and the internet indicates I don't want to.
I'm 99% sure I just puked glitter. Wine drunk Mondays shouldn't be a thing.
New discovery: your vibrator works on my balls. Technology is wonderful I love the future
Far too many of our conversations end in us talking about sperm
Can you come get me? I woke up in the woods behind the Super 8. I have pizza.
We got caught fucking on the couch while I was in my Godzilla onesie.
I really need to get a comfy set of masturbating shoes
Randomize
