She wanted to watch a Baby Einstein DVD while we fucked. I'm pretty open minded but that felt a little creepy.
Day two of vacation and my first drink of the day is a plan b colada
Yeah, we spent most of the evening making fun of the drunk girl until we realized it was you.
my mom hid the smirnoff from me. this is the most fucked up game of hide and seek EVER
I'm going to leave the fate of whether I go to my midterms up to my dealer hitting me up or not
Dude. This guy has a ketchup bottle full of jello shots. Best. Thing. Ever.
All that fucking tequilla made my head feel like it's inside of a body builder's asshole. He's doing squats.
I caught myself flirting with clients today. Someone needs to take me to pound town before I self destruct. This is a code red. I repeat code red.
You told your mom that it was your second day sober. I think she believed it until you jumped off the balcony
She's lucky her pussy is worth listening to her ramble about bedroom furniture for 30 minutes
What shade of lipstick clearly states, I'm only attending this wedding for the drugs and groomsmen?
I cannot believe I accepted his penis into my body.
I just got a hug from a random kid in my class. he said I was a champ at the bar last night..someone help me.
When my card got declined you bought the vibrator without me even asking. This is what friendship is.
I guarantee you he will only fuck with old bitches from now on
Randomize
