So how gross is it that Woopie Goldberg has a vagina? She's like the exact opposite of a boner....
You even been so high breaking up weed with your fingers feels like surgery?
right. well i dont plan on getting laid till i find a respectable girl that i can make unrespectable
This might sound awkward, but can I borrow a dildo for class?
Im sitting in church with a backpack full of beer bottles. This is friendship.
i'm currently connecting with my tribal roots aka i just found my recorder from 3rd grade music class... be ready for the recording
Really? And is this the kinda party we talked about earlier?
Yup. It's just me crying in a closet eating soup
I used to think not drinking while I was pregnant was not gonna be a problem, but I now I'm like shit that's a long time
The trash can in my living room is full of Popsicle sticks and my vibrator has taken up permanent residence on my coffee table. I'm not doing anything productive. Clearly.
There was a slutty maid costume on the floor when I woke up, but the house was trashed. Either she's been fired or got promoted, I'm not sure which.
he gave me a flinstones gummy vitamin and was like, "ya know.. because of ebola."
the texts you sent will act as the rosetta stone for all drunk people
Definitely went down on him last night while he was wearing a cape. He randomly kept swirling it around me and "revealing me" in the mirror like a magic trick. I'm not even a little upset, it's fun fucking younger guys.
i'm not too sure if he's up to my expectations looks-wise, but in the penis department he exceeds ALL regulations.
She made me watch three musicals and then told me she was too tired for me to stay over. I think I'm being punished but I have no clue what I did.
Randomize
