that was after robitussin, alcohol, and chocolate sauce... but before we finished pregaming
She STILL went home with me even when I said yes when she asked if I had an infectious disease. Turns out she asked if I had an infectious spirit...well she has my infectious spirit now
Successful New Year's Eve:: Your first shower of the year is on Jan. 2nd... 'cause you didn't trust yourself to stand up long enough on Jan. 1st. Hello 2010.
I don't appreciate you drunk dressing passed-out me in spandex for bed
I'm going to a foam party and gonna grind someones dick off hayy
gave him road head on the way to his grandparents house. purposely didn't let him finish, the sexual tension over turkey was indescribable.
Someone at all my grapes... if it was you or one of your hoodrat friends I swear to god I'll shit in your shampoo
Then, halfway through our conversation, I remembered what you drunkenly told me last night and was all "maintain eye contact, do not look at his massive penis".
She told me she was eating frosting, then I got the weirdest boner ever
"my nose is broken but I'm beer pong champ so it evens out really"
Molly I still can't believe u puked in that guys hands and still got laid
you do realize the next step is naked mud wrestling, right?
for future reference, singing eye of the tiger outside my door while i am having sex makes me incredibly uncomfortable
apparently not uncomfortable enough for you to stop
She was gone when I unblacked out, but she had nailed her panties to the wall and wrote “Colleen’s Dick”with a sharpie on the wall. No idea where she got a hammer and nail
I swear I'm an adult. I say as I send my mom to go find me green lucky charms and lady gaga oreos
Randomize
