Go study a dick amy that's outrageous
I'm pants shitting drunk right now
You named all of the cocktail shrimps and then tackled a guy for "eating Henry"
Just tried to tap morse code on the wall seperating our beds to tell you I was awake and ready to smoke
Just heard this lady walk by on her phone saying "did everyone orgasm?"
theres a difference between trying to make someone happy and letting them fuck you in the ass
When you gave the girl your number the fat girl was like "take mine....here please take mine"
Lost my credit card. M has a bottle of blood in her pocket from a hobo.
Nothing like moscato in your sinuses tobmake your night complete
I really want to text him and congratulate him on having a bigger penis than the guy I dumped him for, but I thought that might be awkward...
Get your clothes on you are our DD for the night. The usual three way payment
Definitely just realized I wore a shirt that says "building leaders for Christ" to a hookup. Roll tide.
How does one hint at their mentee that they used to casually fuck his brother
If you think you're having a bad day, know that upon waking up, I was informed that I blew my nose in a piece of bread last night
I forgot to lock the door last night. I woke up cuz a guy opened my bedroom door, asked me who I was and where he was. And there was another guy standing in the living room asking me if I knew what apartment "Travis" lives in.
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