I just spent the night with a bunch of indian guys and i wasn't attracted to a single one. Yeah i've officially become an anti-indian indian.
remember facepaint boy? turns out it stains. aaaand i have it all over my face and neck.
Update, blind date is cute and fun.
Scratch that, blind date just threw up.
I know...I feel like disliking her as a person on facebook
It was tug of war between me and the cop. He wanted the beer, I wanted the coozie.
The first aid guy just told us to go get hammered...I'm taking his advice
Just remember my house smells of thick cut bacon and I have a big dick.
I'm pretty sure my liver died in Reno and my intestines are doing hula hoops around my asshole. The bachelor party was that good.
You both ran and jumped into the tub yelling Jamaican bobsled team
i had a mental breakdown over a math asignment proposed to a glass of chocolate milk then burned my hands when i acidentally leaned on the stove i have the grill marks burned on my hands i can see them
its only been 20 minuts since i last saw you
There's times when I need to be plowed... and I'm ashamed to admit auto correct was able to predict that entire sentence.
why are there 3 differently sized panties on our kitchen counter?
Hey Cat, it's Michael. You made out with me for a hot dog last night and I feel super used.
I just paid my school fees like a real adult who doesn't get accidentally drunk on a Tuesday night
On another note, I kinda only wanna poop laying down now
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