remember tomorrow: you burned the inside of your nose with incense. it hurt.
i was thoroughly upset that he did not want to be my number 16, who passes that number up?
It's a good deal. He teaches me how to longboard, then we have sex
I'm making you a bingo card for hookups of the school year 2011-12 so you can make even worse life decisions next year
If a man doesnt have the ability to fuck you well on a small climbing wall, I don't think he deserves you.
Hah no, But it might feel like water boarding to my soul
i got to hold a baby today and i loved it and i want a baby but actually i'm going to make an appointment to get birth control now.
i can't invite random hot hobos into my aunt's house.
I met my future husband in an elevator. Think Hispanic version of Dr. Bunsen Honeydew from the Muppets, but with eyes like Michael Fassbender.
Talking to him sober hurts my brain
my life could not get any worse. just saw my sister in a porno
This is the third time this year I've whored myself for a Netflix login. If this guy changes his password, I'm gonna fucking give up.
Or maybe pay for Netflix?
I'm not that desperate yet.
Who loses their virginity to fucking Flo Rida
Were you the one who yelled "FOR GLORYHOLE!" then punched a hole through my door?
Well the cops were called after the kid fell, but we saw 4 cute guys from our window while it was going down, so it wasn't all that bad.
Randomize
