She offered to make me a fruit roll up salad for breakfast...I'm not sure if that's the coolest or weirdest thing ever...
Remember when the only STD we had to worry about were hickies? Those were the days
thursday was literally the first time i didnt drunk eat since the bush administration and it was only because i was fucking someones boyfriend. making a mental note to do that more often.
dude literally just took me 4 trips to take out the recycling from last night. we need to have parties like this more often
we managed to turn Dream Phone into a drinking game. don't hate.
There is a nerf war going on here. I just cleaned the blood out of the fridge
U have to come, I miss the sound of you throwing up.
He goes "sorry was at the gym. Some of us workout " and I wanted to text him back and go "well some of us do occasional drugs so we don't have to"
I have nothing to say for myself. When 2chainz comes on at the bar all bets are off.
What's it called where you go to the stripclub with two guys that have both gone down on you...
Tuesday
I mean, with your nipple problem im surprised. #hangacoatonem
You're just a heartbreaker with a knitting problem
What has my life come to that I have to spank someone in morse code?
It was a fun night! I woke up with a boyfriend, again....
Put on my pants to go to work and discovered they had melted.
Randomize
