I just saw how many times I called you last night. You're welcome.
She is making me post-sex grilled cheese at 2 am wearing only shorts and cowboy boots. I am so in love
Drinking Grey Goose on the toilet. Don't make me graduate.
Lol. Awesome. Seriously though, I need you focused next year. We're gone have a lot of drinking and stupid nonsense to do, and I don't want dumb shit like responsibility to get in my fucking way.
You did profess your love for cotton multiple times and your hatred for all other fabrics
You kept yelling in my face " YOU'RE GONNA HAVE TO SUCK A DICK TONIGHT!"
You just wrote a check for drugs...pretty sure you don't have cash for beer..
Hello. You don't know me, but word on the street is that we are now eskimo sisters. I feel like we should go out for coffee and compare experiences.
Itd be nice if there was a level of interest in me somewhere in between the indifference and obsession that I've only been attracting
My bank account got hacked so he showed up with a 6 pack wearing a superman cape to cheer me up and you question why I love him?
No more house parties. We're almost fucking 30 years old and I slept until 6 pm.
I just traded a couple nudes for pizza delivery. Call me lazy, easy, or an entrepreneur, but either way I'll have dominoes in 15 minutes.
We're lying on the pavement outside of the college. No one has asked if we're okay. I think they all understand.
We ended up shitfaced at the house after the Super Bowl trying to get someone from Scientology on the phone.
Can we be gay Bert and Ernie for Halloween?
Randomize
