Memo to the bitch sitting across from me at Swamp: no one thinks you're classy with your Louis Vuitton and your Burberry scarf when you're dragging on that cig like it was the last cock on earth and you needed cum for sustenance.
i mean really, i cant compete with a cucumber
We were busted for public indecency in the back of my car in the parking lot. This time we were just reading my Cosmo magazine.
Seriously? Time stamp. 2:31 AM. And I am taking self potraits with a tree. Betty Ford anyone?
dude there is absolutely no room for a slide in our room
Of course, you get to fuck all night while I'm stuck in the girls bathroom sucking a limp dick for coke
Currently doing my walk of shame down a floating dock. No more guys who live on a boat EVER AGAIN
Just found a note from Saturday that says "rainy soft hair".... Any ideas?
Heard puking from next door. Looks like the third floor won't be any different than the second.
Remind me in the future that chugging dog codeine is not the best idea.
I have been referring to it as "thanks for getting out of me day" all week. Do you think they will still take me to brunch tomorrow?
Can we be in one of those super weird relationships where you carry me around everywhere?
LOVE ME MORE THAN PIZZA CAN
IM ON THE WEIRD DRUGS AND I JUST SAW THAT TOM HARDY THING NOW I WANT TO HUMP
I hate her so much I want to fuck her boyfriend.
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