Just saw two guys having a lawn mower race, and their girlfriends cheering them on. Get me out of Tehachapi,
matt is drinking blue powerade and it looks like he has hypothermia. i can't take this kid anywhere.
Why do you apologize after every time we have sex?
Charging the asians next door to us $5 a page to print their final papers because theirs broke. Bars close in 2 hours, lets go
you were saying "i am the vodka queen!" and then in a different voice replying to yourself "all hail the vodka queen! you are so beautiful!"
I just found pizaa roll in my hair. Already been to class today
My boss walked in on me puking in the urinal while taking a piss. Sunday funday is eroding my last shred of credibility at work.
Sometimes I think about the fact that I lost my virginity while watching anime and I wonder what that says about me
I have a tattoo that says Yolo. You should not have been asking my advice in the first place
Yes, you can go into Petsmart drunk but the cats awaiting adoption don't appreciate the soft pretzels squeezed through their cages.
Yeah i like want to be friends with him. And if we have sex in the physics library well thats fine with me
I woke up naked with a Jason mask on and a fat lip. What happened last night?
Dude, I'm at a wedding and there's a mashed potato bar and bacon strip appetizers. I'm getting all emotional.
I no longer have the means to support both a women and an alcohol addiction
JUST BECAUSE I ANSWER THE DOOR NAKED CARRYING A BOTTLE OF RUM DOESN'T MEAN YOU CAN STARE NEIGHBORS.
Randomize
