You realize if you die tommorow, the last memory i'll ever have of you is your ballsack on skype
Well, I fucked her. But the sex wasn't all that great. Morning sex never is
why do the even put the "Please drink responsibly" on tequila ads? like has anything responsible ever come from tequlia. No. never.
I dont know, my roommate got arrested but I'm gunna get some tacos no matter what
it would be cheaper just to buy a dildo to intimidate people with.
I'm high and craving hash browns from McDonalds. Please pick me up. I also would like a hug and a supportive pat on the back when you get here. Thanks.
Its two in the afternoon. McDonalds don't sell hash browns at 2 in the afternoon. Whore. The hug I can provide however.
Turns out lunch break sex with someone you cant stand being around for any amount of time just makes you wish you had gone to get tacos like you originally planed.
i think we watched the dark knight rises after you left but i might have passed out through most of it. I remember crying at the end though. sad tears then happy tears.
Does it still count as a valentine if it's drunk phone sex at 3 in the morning
I just found one of your beard hairs in my oatmeal.
Watching the awkward tinder date at the table next to mine is the most action I've had in months, so there's that.
I thought I needed to get laid. Turns out I just needed pasta.
Like when your most normal sex dream is you being a prostitute, you know it's been one long ass dry spell.
People probably think I’m a fangirl bc I go to so many shows but it’s really bc I like fucking the tour manager
Wtf did i hit my head on?
Tequila
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