Good news! Whoever used this stall at Target earlier...not pregnant!
Found moms dildo in drawer while looking for socks, and its wet
What if we had a smart house and we could just say "baked" and it would rain donuts?
They had to restock the bar 3 times before midnight. There is a bridesmaid dress hanging in a tree outside.
Hey bring in backup. its going to take a lot more beer than we think to fill up the water bed...
Do you think I can wear the dress I went to jail in with the shoes I went to prom in to the wedding tonight?
He has a shower chair now. So he sits and watches me shower. It's kind of creepy.
Let me be the 15% helpful, 85% useless as shit angel on your shoulder.
When you wake up, just ignore the mess in the bathroom. I'll take her home when I'm off work.
I'm eating those little wheels of cheese and watching storage wars, this is the opposite of sex.
This weekend i learned three things 1) skittles in vodka is good 2) it takes more than a roll of quarters to get a cab home 3) never tell a bartender to give you your change in actual change
I'm currently trying to figure out a way to fill the bathtub up with mashed potatoes so when he comes over he'll know what's about to hit him..
yeah we're all naked, and I think we just shaved Chad.
I'm gonna have to start putting baby wipes and a change of pants in my bag. The amount of times I'm scared of shitting my pants in public is too high and I need the reassurance
I could not add him. He gets 5 likes on Instagram.
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