i just took a sip of diet coke and i said " as soon as it hits my lips i wanna smoke a cig." then i thought of your dick.
so he came over for the first time and i completely forgot i had pictures of him printed out from facebook on my wall and a newspaper article with him in it.. you can guess that it lead for an awkward situation.
My financial advisor pointed out that 37% of my income is currently going towards "non-essential food items"
That's banker lingo for "you're an alcoholic"
Apparently she doesn't appreciate the significance of eskimo sisterhood as much as I do.
Apparently she buried shit in the snow back in January and now that it's melted I found a flip flop, 4 spoons, a bottle of smirnoff, and 14 different candy bars
So can we talk about how we all three made out with the bike taxi driver in lieu of paying him. I'm not even mad, that's resourceful. You know what married girls would have had to do? They'd have had to pay.
Update: we are pushing the start of day drinking back from 9 am to 10 am. Minor delay.
I'm gonna drop in for a zip later man. It made me wanna eat my girls shampoo. Good shit
We haven't even eaten dinner yet and she's already been asked to "take it down a notch" by the groom's mom.
the other day i was so high i found pages and pages of pictures of HD hamburgers and patriotic music. bong rips for merica.
Is it bad that I recognize every dick in your dic pic collection?
I need to be put in a corner surrounded by pamphlets of stds and babies
The most adult decision I've mad today was Jameson or Fireball? It's been a successful Day
Do you know how close I got to throwing him over the edge of the canyon?
I'm hungover and eating lunch at an elementary school. The children are barking. Litrealy barking, like dogs.
Randomize
