so evidently yelling "gay" everytime your bf tells you how he feels is cause for breakup. news to me
My carpet still smells like piss and I THINK YOU KNOW WHY.
So after tequila Thursday, Jess broke her arm table dancing. Now her and Andrew look like the perfect drunk couple, matching casts and all.
How do you set tits on fire ? I swear her tits were on fire.
Top reasons to NOT leave jessica to her own devices : 1. Drinking becomes a competitive sport ( in which she is the only one competing) 2.big girl words= no worky 3. Whiskey refuses to be a good friend (as much as she insists ). 4. Waking up at six a.m. still in her swim suit is super awkward. 5. It isn't a fun game to figure out which person she gave her number to and 6. Yesterdays eyeliner doesn't look good today.
What did he say? I couldn't hear him over the sound of how awesome his beard is.
My lecture teach is passed out next to me. I think I'm doing pretty good for a freshman.
Went to bed with a bowl of spaghetti O's on my chest, I make my own breakfast in bed. New level of laziness
I feel like I got run over by a bus full of inebriated Scotsmen on the way to a soccer riot.
Just had the "whores are people too" talk with Mom. Bright side it's Christmas, and I may have been drunk, I don't think she caught on.
I'm not sure what step "make amends" is, but my phone is on
If you're funny as hell and have a mustache, odds are I'm probably gonna fuck you
He said he remembers me...standing on a snowy roof, smoking a blunt, yelling "you're pretty fly for a white guy" at him. Sounds about right.
I need to calm my uterus...
Saw your dad at the bar last night... And again this morning when he left. Told you not to mess with me bitch.
Randomize
