Sometimes I wonder if we could be friends if we lived closer.
I want to take things slow emotionally, but fast physically
You told me alcohol would be the death of you then ordered 10 shots of tequila.
I made him hve sex with me in the elevator so that I could put my finger down in never have I ever.
I talked a bachelorette party out of a 4 person bucket of long islands, and drank it by myself. Please call me a taxi. The fat brides maid just grabbed my cock
I believe you called it tequila and nipples. The proceeded to strike a pose.
eating jello out of the cup. with my face. while on the toilet. i am at my lowest.
No. Not going out tonight. No. It's Tuesday. Xanax and Full House Tuesday.
Okay, since we're going to be living together and I'm obviously better than you at everything, I have one single simple rule that I want you to follow: DO. NOT. FUCK WITH ME.
I just took a condom out of my purse and opened it in front of my entire family because I thought it was a wetnap. Way too hungover for family brunch.
If I don't answer right away it's because I took an Adderall and the fridge needs cleaned.
I am texting my fuck buddy about fucking tonight, while facebook chatting with his wife about food.
Sorry I banged your sister. But in my defense you ain't fucked me in a month. In fact I should get a medal for keeping it in your family.
Wanna go get tea? Warning: I will be high in an hour.
Do u believe in the possibility of big foot?
You high??
Randomize
