I understand that I gave you a nose bleed with a cheeto last night and for that I apologize
Don't say that out loud. People might think I really like to pee on you.
Of course you don't like it. I am the one who likes it.
Did you really end last night's sexting with "Stay thirsty my friend"?
Ya I guess if we compared our actions now with our actions 2 years ago. We are definitely in a constant state of shit showness.
After what was supposed to be a one night stand I woke up to a message in my room wall written in marker "Kaitlin got it on in here" definitely a cock block down the road
You bought champagne and told everyone it was because I'd just found out I was pregnant. How exactly is that being a good wingman?
I just wanna go somewhere and not be judged for wearing spandex shorts that make my ass look like a slice of fucking heaven. Is that so much to ask??
Every minute you wait for the sex that's not gonna happen, we're missing a tone deaf, drunk, tard-asaurus rex half-sing a 90's song to a bunch of other dinotards at karaoke.
Thou shall not get drunk and hit bitch cup in pong and take shirt off while wearing a see-through lace bra again
So last night was the first of "I got cut off before I walked in the bar".
im glad to be known as "the girl you had sex with on a golf course"
And you are going to be so turned on by my batman skills later
Turns out I screen transfered my streaming trucker restroom porn vid to the downstairs neighbors'TV instead of my own, damn you chromecast
Why does my car smell like burnt toast?
I take it you don't remember trying to make grilled cheese with your cigarette lighter...
Hungover at Subway, watching a business guy try to squeeze his way past my car to get into his. Bitch shouldn'ta parked over the line.
You truly are a temple of morality.
I am the night, I am justice, I am currently watching the fat biz guy pay a frat boy to back his car up for him so he can get in.
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