Nah, I'm just going to keep fucking him until he realizes we're perfect for each other.
You know how hard it is to drive a dirtbike down a road with 2 plants of weed on your lap. Fucking hard
Like it was the Mama Mia of shit shows. That bad.
T minus 20 hours until we forget our names, find some city cowboys, and g&t into the night.
People were staring and acting all judgmental and offended... Like they've never seen anyone breastfeed in a liquor store.
Remember Christopher who always sends me pictures of his penis? Look to your right, boy in the blue.
get your sex hands out of my capn crunch
learned the hard way that breakfast jack daniels is a lot stronger than lunch or dinner jack daniels.
I was so drunk at your wedding that Uber is now showing up in my Spotify recent searches.
She's one of those people who could be either 16 or 23. In which case she's too old for me or in dangerously jailbait territory for you, bro.
We had everything under control until this one jackass fucked up. Thanks, Peter.
Blacking out in the security line at the airport is not nearly as fun as blacking out in the lunch line at the dining hall.
Idk, I know when I drink vodka my bi side comes out and I just want to make out with a girl
I mean she's doing calculus in her head to prove how NOT drunk she is.
He just fucked me into paralysis. can't feel my hands or face.
Randomize
