There was a fist fight in my basement last night at four in the morning, in case you were wondering
dude facebook disabled my account because im registered under a false identity. now in order to get it back, i have to prove that it's really my name. i sent them an email and had to sign it "Cordially, Lloyd Pancakes"
**i WaNt TO sLaP mY niECe wHO ThINks iT iS cUte tO WriTE LiKE tHiS**
she's like bobby knight all she does is scream and point
College is just filling the gap until I get a rich girl pregnant
I found you laying in the kitchen with a bottle of vodka and a slice of bologna on your face. You said you were having a spa day.
My drug dealer is making me hot tea during the snowstorm...I'm a fan.
So my dad just walked in on me with the same girl twice in 3 nights. I told him if he wants to see her tits to adleast admit it. All he did was smirk.
Sometimes I think I'm witty and funny, and then I realize it 3pm and I'm drunk
speaking of festive, i made out with a guy in a leaf pile last night. happy fall?
Yeeeaahhh, I'm in no rush to dismiss a level 6 booty-call that pays my bar tabs and understands my Harry Potter obsession.
Why so philosophical about cake and sex this morning?
Haha we both slept with guys named Brad born on may 1st. This is a proud day for sisters.
We were having sex and he started doing some weird swivel move. I was like wtf and he said sorry just trying to pop my knee.
I mean the power was out what was I supposed to do
Randomize
