Every time I hang out with your gay friend, I have to make a checklist of words to look up when I get home. First Google of the night? "Power bottom."
I projectile vomited into my sink. Jealous?
Kind of. My puke would have just dribbled down my chin and missed the sink completely.
Ohh that happened after I started to cry.
not my fault. i got her to believe he wrote an oasis song. he still managed to find a way to make sure no girl ever gets near his penis.
I love the progression of these pictures. I go from cute to Courtney Love
He washed my hair whilst I gave him head in the shower. Bored or gay?
I like to melt taper candles in my wine bottles the next day, it makes my drinking trophies more classy, and makes me look like less of an alcoholic.
Without me, you would never be able to say you partied with a midget!
Sorry I didn't text you for coffee this morning...bad life decision Saturday sorta rolled into Monday...
They left at like 4. I got up to help clean their house this morning and we found his pants. No ones heard from him, we're all a little scared.
I show up hung over with mcdonalds. Why wouldn't he have sex with me? It's a fucking leap year...
We hooked up and then we watched game of thrones while he fed me chocolate. I don't see how our benafriendship is a bad thing.
She kept giving the uber driving directions and we all thought they were wrong so we'd send him the other way. Turns out she wasn't guiding us home, but to the half gallon that she hid in the bushes on the way to the bar.
I ended up changing her contact in my phone to "O Great Potato".
Do you ever just want to be mashed potatoes?
death, taxes, and me drunk texting you are 3 certainties in life
Randomize
