We were walking home when he passed out, we left him. Just got a call from him, hes in a jail in Canada.
All he was doing was sitting in the car, staring. We asked him what was wrong and he just turned, smiled, and said "everything has its own pair of boots"
How the hell did he get a boner in that type of situation?
apparently it's a turnoff if you ask a guy why he thinks he needs to use magnums
not much sitting here stoned eating my little sisters halloween candy and judging each individual hersheys candy bar and after much deliberation by the selection committee the original hersheys chocolate bar won
I only feel half bad for cheating on him because while we were fucking I was given great relationship advice and now I'm ready to work some things out.
I went to look at my notes for my take home final and all I had written was 'you're on E. You won't remember a damn thing anyway.'
i have a queen bed, a cherrywood bed frame, and gold sheets. how are you saying no to me right now?
Do you think he feels stupid trying to bang girls with his small penis? I'd be embarrassed.
So my parents just watched me pour their rum into a bottle and only add crystal light powder, no water... Talk about being judged. All I could say was "Cortland tricks?"
Speeding home on my break at work because I forgot to grab my Percocets that I have because getting through work sober's too hard
Our drunk hook up was interrupted by the delivery guy. When he came back to my room we ate the gyros and went back to sex like we didn't take a lunch break.
First contact since we had sex and it's to get my HBO password. I sure pick winners huh
Let's go buy marshmallows and play chubby bunny until we feel alive again
You had sex with a Scottish dude with a peg leg....how could I NOT tell that story??
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