I just blew up the bathroom at work and now I feel like a new woman
he just told me his nickname was "nickexplodeon"
does that mean he doesn't last long?
so it turns out that "condoms galore" does, indeed, come up on your bank statement
You know i think she's just using me for sex
I hate you.
just saw a couple drunkenly stumble over to the family planning aisle of Walgreens. inspiring.
If i evwr doyble fist jack daniels and smirnoff again, i hereby give you permission to take them both away grom me and give me and give me a glass of wat
That was around the time you tried to kick me out for being rude to your fish.
I just fucked my ex's ex's ex. Love quadrilateral complete
This morning my mouth tasted like fruit trees, battery acid, and magnums. Transferring schools was the best decision Ive ever made.
Just made a PowerPoint called "Reasons Why You Should Fuck Me" at his request. The sad thing is we've had sex before...
who's job is it to make sure we don't run out of tp since the incident of 09'... Thats right you go get some
I should start prefacing bondage with girls saying "I know you've read 50 Shades, but there is a 33% you're gonna freakout and go home, while I jerk it alone"
I've orgasmed four times in the past 24 hours. And my mom's dropping off cookies later
So is seeing the guy's penis that I'm talking to something you're into or nah?
I want your attention. I want your attention in the form of your penis inside my vagina.
Randomize
