i've been called drunk 4 times today and it's only 3pm
They live so far away from me that not fucking them both would have been financially irresponsible
she screamed "my eye!" and it brought me a surge of bad memories. except she was yelling about a lemon.
Oh wow. Was walking and just saw her in the pool, fully clothed, ranting on an alligator float. I guess i should go get her before security gets here.
Dude i don't know we had to beg the bouncer to let us in because you were bleeding everywhere and he saw you run into a dumpster
Who knew drunk me could climb a 17 story building for apple juice and sex
You were holding up a boot and yelling boot gang
He's getting off drug court. We're doing a super-blunt with 50 dollars worth stuffed inside. He almost cried tears of joy when we told him.
You can't be friends with my side piece. Conflict of interest.
You told me I couldn't make out with you until I added you on LinkedIn
I'm having post-experience "why didn't I fuck her in a public bathroom" regrets
I forgot her safe word. It was a rough night.
Just remember that no one else gets to suck his dick but you, feel honored. It's like the Olympic torch of life is being passed off to you and it's your time to run
I don't think it's ever a good night if I'm this hung over and I didn't even get an orgasm out of the deal...
Vacuum the place before you go out of town there are random glitter cocks everywhere
Randomize
