i went to toss her salad and she had a toilet paper clinger on one of the hairs
Last night I apparently send my boss a picutre of my boobs. On the bonus part I got a raise today. So I just want to thank your parents for naming you Jeff cuz if I was not so hammered last night I would have sent it to the right one.
just once id like to meet someone on craigslist who isnt fat
Imagine the time you most wanted to kill yourself. Now add a room full of jail bait and no booze. Multiply that by a million.
Who just wakes up in their own bed and assumes "I probably blew some guy last night"
Gravity stopped and i'm discussing Greek philosophy with two guys I don't know. There's someone asleep on me. We need to use their dealer.
Aww. I feel like I need to kill a puppy just to make room in the world for how cute you are right now
So who was trying to make it rain last night in the bathroom? There are pieces of dollar bill everywhere
I believe you would have been proud of me last night.. I was chasin Fireball shots with Jack and Coke. Guess there's a reason they call me Whiskey Woman.
Everyone is like kids first day of school and I'm over here like I need to stop sleeping with random
I know it's anime porn but I promise you the guy looks like Fred Durst
We peed on campus in the middle of the tailgate and then hit on a married cop that asked you to stop touching him
You have not lived until you've had your brains fucked out on a broken down Tunnel of Love ride. Life is good.
I am mentally ready for anal.
I told him I lived in the apartment beside his brother and he said "oh, you're the girl that watches really loud porn!"
Randomize
