remind me not to puke in the mesh trash can tonight
casually drinking alone with your cats. do they like sparks?
she said I was laying next to a garbage can in the subway doing key bumps and screaming "its my fucking birthday" repeatedly
I vaguely remember telling a bum she was worth more than this
Hate to say it and even though I definitely have a biased opinion but I'm surprised your not, sleeping with anyone else. Good personality, charisma and amazing in the sack.
Feel free to use me as a reference.
He made me keep his swollen nut cold with frozen bags of peas while rubbing his tummy because he said I had no choice.
Who wouldn't want a man who can knock a guy out but also loves the bachelor.
It's the best of both worlds
Youll thank me when youre dead an dont have a cat eating your face
As a gentleman, I asked her if she was sure and she just whispered "wreck me" in my ear. I took that as a green light.
So, it's been almost 3 months and and I still dont know her last name. That's gotta be a record.
too bad I'd hit a car before I'd hit a bush.
Are we talking about jumping from windows or your willingness to fuck a car instead of a woman?
Nothing too major over here lately. Just had a date with an ex-internet porn star turned lawyer. He said: "at my 3rd burning man I taught a workshop on BDSM" and I knew it was going to be a fun night.
Lets just say I tried to pinky promise the cop... So I was fucked up.
Basically we had a threesome in one room and a fivesome in the next room. Its what I like to call a win win situation.
stop texting me about your public sex.
says she who narrated getting eaten out in a movie theatre over text to me
Randomize
