I just speedwalked down the broken metro escalator while high. Basically all my worst fears combined
can't believe I ate straight coffee grounds to stay awake for that
You're gonna die alone anyway. Even if you do meet a man, they die earlier than women. Best case, you have to deal with grieving over his death and then die alone a couple years later. Worst case, you get a terminal illness and he divorces you, leaving you to die alone anyway.
Thanks, mom.
Drunk. The frashmen love me. Give them. Toilrt paper. And shiots
ps I'm eating candy off our sex sheets. gotta say the only thing better than sweet tarts is sweet tarts with a hint of sex. perfect post vday situation
did i really sing to your nipples last night?
yes. and it was oddly very seductive
Watching the wiggles while tripping on acid is the scariest fucking thing of all time
Also, making a white Russian with butterscotch schnapps instead of vodka is probably the best decision I've made in my entire college career.
Well I'm in a stranger's bed.
Gotta leave to watch the Lions
She wasn't one for labels or anything serious really but while she was riding me she yelled marry me. It's like she fucked her self into commitment lmao she realy is a keeper bro
This friendship isnt goin to work if you dont respond to my drunk texts
he literally walked in took a shit and left ringing the 'great service' bell on the way out.
the girl who hid my weed when the cops came has a birthday coming up. i feel like i should get her something.
It feels like heartburn in my lungs. I'll buy 2 pounds.
Please tell me you haven’t left campus yet!!!! I forgot my Hitachi and will not survive Thanksgiving without a steady supply of orgasms
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