I've walk of shamed through this apartment complex so many times, I think people think I live here.
You should have been there to see the look on her face when I told her that my dog gives better head than her. It was a beautiful symphony of shock, anger, and disbelief.
We had sex in the ocean but the tide took our clothes away too. Its no fun walking back to the dorm wearing only a beach blanket between you.
I knew as soon as I saw that pole that I was going to wake up the next morning with bruises.
the bar just sent me a facebook message congratulating me on being a regular and getting such good grades. my life is not real.
No, I am not setting up my roomba to clean up puke.
Guy in the room next to us in the ER is chanting "I'm jeff and I'm drunk". He's trying to get released to finish tailgating for the Iowa game that starts in 9 hours.
I have a theory he's part Neanderthal
These are your "grown up" slampiece's new hours of operation; please plan accordingly
Topless dodge ball cldnt top that
I can feel my pain tolerance has shot up right along with my libido
We found you wrapped up in a tarp in the garage the next morning, thats how real shit got.
Wake up. Finish House of Cards. Put on pants.
Accurate.
He plays D&D and his dick should be carved out of marble. I think I'm in love.
His cat just sat there and simultaneously bobbed his head up and down while I blew him
Randomize
