Don't you think facebook is a bit pretentious, suggesting friends and all? No facebook, I would NOT like to be friends with a girl whose fiancee I have slept with.
i can smell the iron from margo's period blood from across the table.
DOES ANYONE KNOW THE NINJA TURTLES
Just saw a white bronco on my way home from work and the license plate said "NOT OJ"
Almost thought it was a good idea to call his parents to thank them for having a son with an awesome dick. That high.
I knew it was gonna be a rough night when the guys next to us at Relay for Life started shot gunning beers and yelling "This ones for all the hot chicks that went bald because of cancer". It kinda went downhill from there....
I decided they need a food cart that just roams around the library like the cotton candy people at the circus. But with real food. like tacos cause it sounds delicious.
I just let my hand run under cold water for five minutes. I couldn't stop staring at it and the only things I could think about were how amazing it felt, how cool water was, and what a wonderful world it is that we live in. Reasons why I don't smoke...
i stole nothing, broke nothing, and stabbed nothing. aren't you proud of me?
It was all fun and games until she said "you're so pretty I wanna punch you in the face" and the proceeded to punch her in the face
A huge penis doesn't warm the soul. Or that's what I've had to tell myself.
"can you come pick me up from the ikea parking garage i think i slept here"
I woke up in my neighbors backyard with glitter on my teeth and sparklers super glued on my bra. which part was your fault?
Is it bad form to puke out of a dorm window to avoid looking bad in front of the people in your room?
How about from a sixth floor window?
You went after him with a sword while screaming “FAJITAS!”. And Todd was dressed as a Goth for some reason
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