you would have Pina Colada flavored saliva.
Apparently I was playing rock paper scissors against myself for 2 hours in the bathroom mirror.
My balls had bee stings let's just leave it at that.
I know i'm the slutty cousin, but be honest. have you ever got your nose ring caught on a guy's zipper?
Girls night always turns into let's seperate and get laid night.
This guys mom bought us a 24 pack and drove me and 8 others to a frat house... Hello moms weekend.
Everything was going great until my fake mustache fell off when we started making out.
Some guy offered you 100 bucks last night to suck your toes. I had to drag you away while you were yelling at me, "Stop money cock blocking me!"
That's just where I'm at in my life.
A blind man just put his face in my cleavage. I'm also crying.
Don't laugh, but I might need some advice on how to ride a crooked dick.
A girl just invited me over for a blowjob and beer. Is this a trap?
I don't just want drugs. I deserve drugs.
Dreamt I had my own personal vibrator rep, who made house calls. I earned an upgrade to an electric model, since I was burning through batteries. That's it. Time for a bf.
Now i know i wasnt that drunk... So why are there texts of me volunteering for a nude photo shoot for an art major student?
Am I the only person in the world that does not give a shit about the avengers?
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