So I went to have a snack...can you please tell me why there's a condom in the hummus?
he took off his pants and apologized in advance if I thought he was too small.
she asked if i had a condom...i said yes...when we finished it wasnt on...told her it was at home on my dresser.
do you ever think like no deep thought could take place in the spanish language? like all they talk about is like tacos?
how high are you?
mom and dad are leaving for florida on 4/20, this is a sign
he's 25, hott, and leaving for iraq tuesday, i wanna get in as much as possible...
your life is a nick sparks novel waiting to happen
Although, I did get to see a Raiders fan and his toothless girlfriend get roughed up by the police and dragged out of the stadium. So the night wasn't a total loss.
I woke up naked on my futon with a blanket half way covering my ass and 20 half eaten chicken wings on my chest... At 7 pm... That kind of day drinking
It would be like if I said I had the cure for cancer and my explanation was I like turtles.
The funny part was that the cop pulled us over cause the park was closed, not because I had just come up from giving the guy a blowjob when the cop drove by.
I will forever remember this as The Great Jalepeno Cock Burn of 2014.
Clearly I'm trying to change the world one fuck at a time
you DO IT for the people
I'm not a whore anymore. I gave up 90% of my women for you. I'm a 4-5 woman kind of guy now.
It's been 12 hours since I have heard from you and social media has given me no indication you are anything but dead, so that's what I'm going with.
What made you think singing Silent Night while I was puking was a good idea?!?!
Randomize
