You surviving the open bar?
Super asto ex polenta omaha botad
this party is like a fast-foward into the future when im 40 and married with children
i dont know why he would complain when i touch him there.
i saw the 3rd guy i ever had sex with last night and kept calling him #3
Just hit on a fat chick so shed buy me a drink. Then i walked away. Nice to see how the other half lives.
we made malted milkshakes. malt as in malt liqour.
He will not just "come" out of the closet. He will fall out, 69ing me, with two fingers in his starving asshole, wearing cum splattered lady gaga sunglasses, weeping.
That was the greatest thing i have ever read.
He said I went to go sit outside and is promised I wouldn't leave he brings me a chair and I'm gone. He found me stumbling a half mile away in my socks
Every time I walk onto campus my Saint Patrick's day scar starts to throb. I'm like a drunken accident prone Harry Potter
Do you have any need for a scary clown mask?
Eh. Fuck him. He's missing out. I'm legit naked and drinking straight from the bottle of wine.
why did you put a dildo on the ceiling fan
the dildo had a suction cup and we had a ceiling fan what did you expect?
Hey, do you know the person who woke me up last night at 1 in the morning yelling and being carried through the courtyard?
That was me Mom...
So I just accidentally joined a bar crawl and got a free shotski of Jameson. I love life.
Accidentally mixed my gin with cold brew coffee instead of cranberry juice. It’s bad. But I’ll finish it. Never leave a fallen soldier.
Randomize
