Uggggg i want to leave and get bombed over baghdad
a very overweight girl in the ER just said she trippped over the invisible wii jump rope and fell
FYI... At my funeral, it will be your job to throw yourself dramatically onto my casket.
At least we don't have one night stands
True that. We sink our claws in our men.
I wonder how many times I can be hungover in one day
I just want a better ending for myself. Not walking around with one sock on and my bush hanging out.
I woke up with a new Tiffanys necklace on. I'm such a classy drunk.
I woke up with a black eye, bruised knuckles, wearing women's clothing, in a house I did not recognize, next to a solid 9. Thank you for making 21 special.
I just used FaceTime as a look out while I got a blowjob in the library
Hey so when you left last night was i wearing shoes?
And I just found out I called my debit card a fast food passport so I dont deserve to live
She took a six hour road trip with me so I could have revenge sex with my ex's brother. That is the definition of a best friend.
Best case scenario I do a bunch of dirty things to you, blow your mind and you enjoy it. Worst case I stare at you, poke at you, smile and droll on myself, you laugh.
I just came so hard my hamstring felt like it was going to tear. I am also now a screamer
Just had to read the instructions to my microwave. How am I so high?
Randomize
