Bigbird is at the bar Im at. whats her name
then you asked me to turn your jeans into "jorts" just long enough to cover your ballsack
im probably the most hungover person watchin icarly right now
i saw a stretcher and literally ran around for 10 minutes telling people it wasnt for me
Woke up at 4:30am to my little brother shaking me. Apparently I fell asleep naked on my kitchen table waiting for the toaster to pop. 2 years of college completed and i still havent learned my drinking limit...
high. he's playing 'oops i did it again' on the ukelele. is this real life?
You just made it sound like a children's toy! It's a functioning body organ, my vagina is not a gameboy!!!
Just got my stitches out.. Now I can give a proper hand job
His cat kept scratching my feet while we were having sex. There's only room for one pussy around here. It also concerns me that he owns a cat.
I swear to God, if you have sex in my bed one more time you're gonna start paying rent
I need a good cry or an orgasm and neither of them are gonna happen to me and i'm so frustrated
He threw up on my head while I was blowing him, and then I started barfing, and the kitchen floor was a mess. Believe me, he will never, ever live this down.
Checking out a dudes' nachos instead of the dude #foreveralone
I may or may not be sitting in a bubble bath drinking wine, watching Jurassic park, and wearing a Russian fur hat.
The same idiot-bubble, now just bigger and louder.
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