Damn. That makes sense
I know im like the sherlok holmes of sexual problems
People were autographing me. I'm like the spring break yearbook
But I always wanted my obit to read "Died violently in casino orgy," not "Never woke up from rectal surgery."
I am not saying a eulogy for your vibrator.
My printer just jammed because one of the condom wrappers I threw when we had sex in my dorm
we're almost there. Shes pounding on the car window telling the nurse whos on a smoke break to fuck off.
Do something fun then. Blow up the house or whatever.
How have you survived this long?
Dumb luck and a deal with the devil.
also, add "teaching boys to sext" to my charity work
Nhl reached an agreement. I plan on getting me some celebratory sex from a hockey player.
When I die, I want you to spread my ashes at a Cracker Barrel.
After we won I just ran all over campus for a couple hours. Then made out with a guy on a bench
I had a dream last night that I met Diplo. Now I'm just sad
Yeah ok. We can maid of honor each other since you don't like my boobs enough to lesbian marry me
I've had more orgasms than showers this week.
Breakfast sounds amazing but can we do IHOP instead? I have to pick up a Plan B pill and there’s a CVS next to it
Randomize
